17th Annual Memorial Scholarship Golf Tournament

Wednesday, April 5, 2017


  • Allergies to plastic grass have made it become increasingly difficult to perform job. 
  • No matter how much fiber he eats, can only muster those tiny round movements. 
  • Sick and tired of harassing phone calls from Elmer Fudd. 
  • Every year, Santa laughs and slams door in his face when he asks if the elves could give him a hand. 
  • Candy makers who create his likeness in chocolate too often exaggerate the size of his ears, yet underestimate the size of other body parts. 
  • Tired of receiving junk mail addressed to Peter Cottontail. 
  • The one major perk of his job, Easter Candy, has also caused him to have rotted teeth. 
  • Sick of being teased about carrying a marshmallow peep. 
  • Litigation against Cadbury Bunny still unresolved. 
  • Continually frustrated by being shot at every time he visits _____'s. (redneck part of town)

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