Tuesday, May 9, 2017

ON THIS DAY

On this date in 1542, Christopher Columbus departed from Cadiz, Spain, on his fourth and final trip to the Western Hemisphere.
  • It was called the "One more pillage for old times' sake" tour. At least that's what it said on the TV shirts. 
  • By this time, there was no excitement, he was just pretty much walking through it to get a paycheck and... oh, wait -- no, I was thinking of Fast and Furious 4." 
  • It took four times, but he finally remembered to put the newspaper on hold. 
  • Not as many people were interested in this one, after Chris lost it in the throne room and started jumping up and down on King Ferdinand's couch. 
  • By this time, the costs had really gone up and he had to start charging $25 for bags. 
  • He wanted to get in just one more trip for the Frequent Sailor Miles. 

In 1754, the first American newspaper cartoon is published in Benjamin Franklin's "Pennsylvania Gazzette." The thing is, being best friends with Benjamin Franklin was redundant. "I'd like you to meet my BF, BF."

On this date in 1899, the lawn mower was patented. Who knew you could patent your next-door neighbor's kid? He's the lawn mower.
  • It was one of the major reasons for having kids. 
  • By a wife that was tired of asking, "Why don't you go out and mow the lawn?" and hearing back, "Because the lawnmower hasn't been invented yet!" 
  • Yes, it's a cursed day. 
  • It doesn't say here who invented. Probably to protect his identity. Up until that time, guys had every Saturday off. 
  • Of course, what else could you say to the inventor but, "Hey, Mow! Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk!" 

On this date in 1960, the FDA approved the sale of birthday control pills. Up until then, no one had conceived the idea. Yes, birth control pills replaced the headache.



TODAY IS

Rosario Dawson turns 37 today. Although I wasn't going to mention her birthday. I still haven't forgiven her for "Josie and the Pussycats."

Rapper Ghostfish Killah turns 47 today. I had never heard of him before and, frankly, I'm glad.

John Corbett celebrates his big, fat Greek 56th birthday today.

The Piano Man, Billy Joel, turns 68 today. Only 20 years from the piano birthday, 88.
I liked him just the way he was.
He sang "Only the Good Die Young" and with this birthday, he's backing up his case. The fact that he turns 65 today speaks volumes.
I won't say how old he is, but it would be a great day for Paul McCartney to sing to him, "When I'm Over 64!"

Alley Mills, the mom from "The Wonder Years," turns 66 today.




MY OTHER THOUGHTS FOR TODAY

A new study claims that Tequila may actually be good for our bone health. Considering that its responsible for the falls, it's amazing how life sometimes balances out.

A study says swearing makes people stronger and increases stamina. No sh@t!

A Danish brewery is producing a Pilsner beer made with recycled urine. Yes, on purpose.

A study says that knees that "pop," "click" or "crackle" may be headed towards arthritis. As someone with Rice Krispy knees, I think I'm in trouble.

Marine Le Pen lost the French election on Sunday. I don't know what hurt her more: her policies or being called 'a female Donald Trump.'

As my dentist likes to say, "We're pulling for you!"

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