At your friend's wedding, he coaxes you into ducking out for a quickie during the bouquet toss.
He takes pride in referring to his place as "the bachelor pad."
He introduces you to his boss/great-uncle as "my friend."
He talks about blowing his life savings on a Lamborghini.
He tenses up when you use the word we. Even if it's just "We love Chinese food."
You feng shui-cize your apartment to promote everlasting love, and he tells you it doesn't look right.
Whenever a pal gets engaged, he signs, "Another one bites the dust."
He has the flu every time your family's in town.
At weddings, you bring tissues he brings reading material.
The only time you can see him getting down on one knee is to tie his shoe.