Take the five-question official Jerk Quiz if you dare:
1. You're waiting in a line at the pharmacy. What are you thinking?
- Did I forget anything on my shopping list?
- Should I get ibuprofen or acetaminophen? I never can keep them straight.
- Oh no, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to bump you.
- These people are so damned incompetent! Why do I have to waste my time with these fools?
2. At the staff meeting, Peter says that your proposal probably won't work. You think:
- Hmm...good point, but I bet I could fix that.
- Oh, Loretta is smiling at Peter again. I guess she agrees with him and not me, darn it. But I still think my proposal is probably better than his.
- Shoot, Peter's right. I should have thought of that!
- Peter the big flaming ass. He's playing for the raise. And all the other idiots here are just eating it up!
3. You see a 30-year-old guy walking down the street with steampunk goggles, pink hair, dirty sneakers and badly applied red lipstick. You think:
- Different strokes for different folks!
- Hey, is that a new donut shop on the corner?
- I wish I were that brave. I bet he knows how to have fun.
- Get a job already. And at least learn how to apply the frickin' lipstick.
4. At a stop sign, a pedestrian is crossing slowly in front of your car. You think:
- Wow, this tune on my radio has a fun little beat!
- My boss will have my hide if I'm late again. Why did I hit snooze three times?
- She looks like she's seen a few hard knocks. I bet she has a story or two to tell.
- Can't this bozo walk any faster? What a lazy slob!
5. The server at the restaurant forgets that you ordered the hamburger with chili. There's the burger on the table before you, with no chili. You think:
- Whatever. I'll get the chili next time. Fewer calories anyway.
- Shoot, no chili. I really love chili on a burger! Argh, let's get this fixed. I'm hungry!
- Wow, look how crowded this place is. She looks totally slammed. I'll try to catch her to fix the order the next time she swings by.
- You know, there's a reason that people like her are stuck in loser jobs like this. If I were running this place, I'd fire her so fast you'd hear the sonic boom two miles down the street.
How many times did you answer d?
0: Sorry, I don't believe you.
1-2: Yeah, fair enough. Same with the rest of us.
3-4: Ouch. Is this really how you see things most of the time? I hope you're just being too hard on yourself.
5: Yes, you are being too hard on yourself. Either that, or please step forward for the true-blue jerk gold medal.