THINGS I'VE LEARNED WHILE CHRISTMAS SHOPPING

Never walk into a Hickory Farms with a loaf of bread and shout "Where's them samples?!"

Try not to giggle when asking the girl behind the counter to wrap my package.

Santa, while looking fairly sturdy, has a weight limit.

No matter how clever I think I am, the lingerie sales lady has heard it all before.

Unless I'm actually witnessing the birth, or I'm the father, never ever assume a woman is pregnant!