THINGS I'VE LEARNED WHILE CHRISTMAS SHOPPING

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Never walk into a Hickory Farms with a loaf of bread and shout "Where's them samples?!"

Try not to giggle when asking the girl behind the counter to wrap my package.

Santa, while looking fairly sturdy, has a weight limit.

No matter how clever I think I am, the lingerie sales lady has heard it all before.

Unless I'm actually witnessing the birth, or I'm the father, never ever assume a woman is pregnant!

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