Wednesday, June 28, 2017

ON THIS DAY

Henry the 8th, the legendary king of England, was born on this date in 1491. He married like Larry King and ate like John Goodman.

In 1709, Charles the 12th -- the King of Sweden -- was wounded in the foot during a battle. I believe this was the day that the phrase "Uff Da!" was coined.

On this date in 1778, Mary Hayes earned the name "Molly Pitcher" because she brought water to American troops while they fought the Revolutionary War. She like that much more than her original nickname from the troops, "Get Around Gertie."

After thousands of years of bland-looking salads, the tomato was proven to be nonpoisonous. Yes, we're serious.
  • I'm surprised it took science that long to catchup. 
  • That gave the inventors of the BL sandwich an idea. 
  • This immediately stopped people from suicide by BLT. 
  • The company that made the bumper stickers, "Ketchup Kills" immediately went out of business. 
  • That meant all of the existing charges of "assault with a deadly ketchup" were dropped immediately. 
  • After all, it appears so menacing. 

It was on this date in 1859 that the very first dog show took place in Newcastle, England.
  • It turned out to be much more successful than the Dog and Cat Show the previous year. 
  • Of course, during these early ones, they learned what we know today -- don't bring your pet cat, never wear clothes that are fire-hydrant yellow, etc. 
  • That was also the year they came up with the "No cats allowed" rule. 

In 1894, the Labor Day holiday was approved by congress. Finally, they had a holiday at the end of the summer to go with all those sales. Congress, demonstrated great wisdom, decided it should fall on Labor Day Weekend.

On this date in 1982, Prince Charles and Lady Diana announced the name of their new son, "William"... which, of course, in England, was a very important day for bookies and gamblers.



TODAY IS

Kellie Pickler turns 31 today. The former "Dancing with the Stars" champ is one of those singers who came out of "American Idol" and enjoyed a career in music. That's right... not a winner.

John Cusack hits 51 today. Wanna see him as a nerdy kid? Check out the movie "16 Candles."

Former Super Bowl quarterback John Elway turns 57 today. He's the General Manager of the Denver Broncos. As the team's quarterback, he had more completed passes than Jude Law at a singles convention.

Kathy Bates turns 69 today. In the movie, "About Schmidt," she does a nude scene. Just thought it fair to warn you. I'd close my eyes... just in case.

Mel Brooks turns 91 today, continuing his campaign to eventually be the real 2,000-year-old man.
  • We'll never look at sitting around a campfire eating beans the same way again. 
  • He'll enjoy a tradition birthday cake, while a group of cowboys sitting around a campfire perform the birthday song. You don't want to know how. 
  • Instead of a cake, he'll blow out a Blazing Saddles campfire scene. 

National Celebrate Your Marriage Day -- Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
  • At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other woman replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man." 
  • Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished. 
  • Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's. 
  • A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying for it." 
  • Young son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her." Dad: "That happens in most countries son." 
  • Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late. 
  • A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes. 

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