10 REASONS THE CA RECALL WAS THE MOST PERFECT AND FAIR ELECTION OF ALL TIME

1. Mail-in ballots are the most secure system of voting ever devised: That should be obvious after they worked flawlessly to elect Joe Biden.
2. A rich white man is running the election: Everyone knows you can trust rich white men.
3. Governor Newsom printed extra ballots, just in case you lose yours: They are available for free in thousands of ballot vending machines around the state! Cool!
4. Newsom volunteered to personally count all the ballots himself, for maximum security: What a nice guy!
5. Because CNN said so: And CNN has been named the most accurate source of news in the state of California for 20 years running!
6. The progressive and open-minded people of California would NEVER conspire to prevent a black man from becoming governor: That's just silly.
7. Gavin Newsom is an expert at keeping things safe and secure: Like the southern border.
8. People like Harvey Weinstein are able to trust Gavin Newsom with their deepest, darkest secrets: So you can surely trust him with your election.
9. With all the fraud in the last few elections, we're confident they've gotten all the kinks out: We're pretty sure this one ran smoothly this time.
10. Any suggestion that Democrat politicians would operate with anything less than total integrity is a deranged conspiracy theory: And you should be ashamed of yourself for even thinking it. I hope you're happy with yourself. We've alerted the FBI.