THINGS DADS LIKE TO SAY

• Don't ask me, ask your mother.
• Were you raised in a barn? Close the door.
• You didn't beat me. I let you win.
• Big boys don't cry.
• Don't worry. It's only blood.
• Don't you know any normal boys?
• Now you listen to me, Buster!
• I'll play catch after I read the paper.
• Coffee will stunt your growth.
• A little dirt never hurt anyone-just wipe it off.
• Get your elbows off the table.
• I told you, keep your eye on the ball.
• Who said life was supposed to be fair.
• Always say please and thank you. That way, you get more.
• If you forget, you'll be grounded till the end of the world.
• You call that a haircut?
• "Hey" is for horses.
• This will hurt me a lot more than it hurts you.
• Turn off those lights. Do you think I am made of money?
• Don't give me any of your lip, young lady.
• You call that noise "music?"
• We're not lost. I'm just not sure where we are.
• No, we're not there yet.
• Shake it off. It's only pain.
• When I was your age, I treated my father with respect.
• As long as you live under my roof, you'll live by my rules.
• I'll tell you why. Because I said so. That's why.
• Do what I say, not what I do.
• Sit up straight, knucklehead!
• So you think you're smart, do you?
• What's so funny? Wipe that smile off your face.
• Young ladies perspire, they do not sweat.
• If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times.
• C'mon, you throw like a girl.
• You want something to do? I'll give you something to do.
• You should visit more often. Your mother worries.
• This is your last warning.
• Your mother worries.
• I'm not sleeping, I was watching that channel.
• What keeps those jeans of yours from falling off?
• I'm not just talking to hear my own voice!