MAYBE DON'T DO THAT
- After pleading guilty to transferring and receiving stolen property, do not ask your judge whether he's interested in seeing the collection of ties you have for sale.
- When appearing in court, do not wear the same exact outfit and accessories you wore during your crime. Also, avoid security cameras. If you're running from the scene of your crime, the law will find you if you leave behind your wallet. And your car. And your friends sitting in your car.
- When choosing a car to break into to steal the credit cards inside, please do not select the car belonging to the judge's wife.
- Do not plan your next felony over the pay phone in your jail pod next to the sign that reads "All phone calls are monitored and recorded."
- Calling a tow service to haul a broken-down ATV you are in the process of stealing creates a paper trail. And a witness.
- Demanding a "change of menu" from the judge will not get you out of jail.