Ashton Kutcher turns 39 today. Dude, where'd your thirties go?
Chris Rock turns 52 today. He was actually born with the name, Christopher Julius Rock III. I'd play a routine he did on birthdays for you, but we're short around 25 beeps.
Garth Brooks turns 55 today. He plans to have his favorite for dinner: all-bean burritos. Or, as they called it in his house, "Thunder Rolls."
James Spader is 57, at least, according to the Blacklist.
Send a Card to a Friend Day -- Here are some greeting cards you won't see:
- Happy Vasectomy. Hope you feel zippy! 'Cause when I got one. It was real snippy.
- Heard you had Herpes. And I feel terrible. I'd say "get well soon." But I know it's incurable.
- My tire was thumping, I thought it was flat. When I looked at the tire, I found your cat. Sorry!
- You had your bladder removed, here's a bouquet of flowers. And a box of Depends.
- You've announced that you're gay, and won't that be a laugh. When they find out you're one... of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
- Heard your wife left you, how upset you must be! Don't fret about your wife, though, she's moving in with me.
- You totaled your car, and can't remember why. Maybe it was... that case of Bud Dry.