Wednesday, March 22, 2017

TODAY IS

The Houston Texans' JJ Watt turns 28 today. YOU tell him you didn't get him anything for his birthday.

Reese Witherspoon turns 41 today. If the feuding rumors are true, Nicole Kidman won't be at her party. Doesn't it seem like she owns the keys to Hollywood. Wonder, if eventually, she'll shake things up and change her name to Weatherfork?

Sportscaster Bob Costas turns 65 today. Just once he'd like to go out for dinner and not have the waitress offer him a booster seat. Just once!

Andrew Lloyd Webber turns 69 today. He wrote "Phantom of the Opera," but the Phantom never wrote him back. For him, "another great score" means a musical achievement, unlike... oh, say Tiger Woods. Completely different meaning.

George Benson turns 74 today. He was a big part of the "Smooth Jazz" sound and had a hit with "On Broadway."

William Shatner turns 86 today -- "Star Trek"'s first Captain Kirk.
But he's hoping to negotiate a lower rate on Priceline.
He's put on so many pounds, he can longer be beamed up. Only laterally.
Remember Bill, if Scotty beams you up for more than four hours at a time, see your doctor.

According to Playboy, the budget for the TV show "Star Trek" in 1966 was $100,000 per episode. Before it was cancelled in 2005, an episode of "Star Trek: Enterprise" cost $5 million to produce.

Signs that Star Trek is taking over your life:
Saying "make it so" in casual conversation.
Indignation because the periodic table doesn't include dilithium and tritanium.
Able to use "variable phase inverter" in a sentence without excessive thought first.
More than one pair of Spock ears in junk drawer.
You have figured out the stardate system.
Scanning shelves at local liquor store for synthehol.
The Star Trek theme becomes background music for your dreams.
Forgetting that present-day elevators don't have a voice interface.
Serious thoughts about buying that $300 model of the Enterprise from the Franklin Mint.
You understand Klingon.
Lecturing any science professor on how transporters work.

National Goof-Off Day -- Americans waste 18 weeks a year goofing off at work, according to a survey conducted by a national executive-recruiting firm, which showed workers throw the most time away by:
Lounging at the water fountain, coffee pot or smoking area
Hiding in the rest room
Gossiping about co-workers
Complaining about the boss
Making personal calls on company time
Daydreaming
Flirting
Surfing the web
Texting friends

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