If You Go to Ireland This Week, Order a Pepsi

If you're heading to Ireland this week, you might want to stick with Pepsi. Police are investigating after suspected human waste was found inside cans at an Irish Coca-Cola plant. Just so you'll know how it works, topless cans arrive at the factory to be filled by Coca-Cola products and sealed before they're sold around Northern Ireland. The cans in question -- believed to have come from Germany - jammed the plant's machines during the night shift. Apparent human waste - uh, number two - in the cans was determined to be the culprit. An unnamed source describes an "absolutely horrible" scene that resulted in the machines being turned off for 15 hours for cleaning. The drink giant says all the tainted cans were caught and no products available to the public were affected. While the investigation - by both police and Coca-Cola - is ongoing, one rumor is that the poop came from immigrants attempting to enter the UK in the back of the truck and using the cans as toilets out of desperation. (Belfast Telegraph)

I Have No Recollection of That

Brooke Preston was leaving West Palm Beach, Fla., to return to Pennsylvania, where she grew up. The 21-year-old had moved out of the house she shared with 24-year-old Randy Herman Jr. who also grew up in Pennsylvania and reportedly went to high school with Preston. When she stopped by the house Saturday morning to tell Herman goodbye, he gave her a T-shirt commemorating a mutual friend who had died. Then, police say, he inexplicably stabbed her a dozen times with a hunting knife! A detective said, "Herman told me that all he could remember after giving Preston the T-shirt was blood." Preston died, and Herman, who drove her car to a nearby park after the alleged murder and called 911 from there, has been charged with first-degree murder. A friend says Preston had spent part of Friday night at the house with Herman -- there is no indication they were romantically linked -- but left because he was intoxicated and acting oddly. She returned the next morning to get her things, then went to breakfast and returned again later to say goodbye. She was reportedly moving back home to be with her boyfriend. Odd side note: Herman's father was accused of fatally shooting his girlfriend in 2015; two months later, he fatally shot himself. A GoFundMe campaign for Preston's family has raised more than $10,000 so far. (Palm Beach Post)

What - Did You Think Prince Charming Would Just Ride Up and Save You?

Proof that Prince Charming does exist. The first time Cameron Hill met Melissa Dohme, it was on the worst day of her life. She had been brutally stabbed 32 times by an ex-boyfriend and left to die on the side of the road in Clearwater, Fla. Hill, an EMT, was a first responder who came upon the horrific scene and helped transport Dohme into a helicopter for a flight to a trauma center. She flatlined a handful of times and ended up in a coma after the 2012 attack. Still, as the chopper flew away, Hill said, "I had this crazy little feeling ... that I would see Melissa again." Many months later they reunited at an event where Dohme was speaking...and then started dating. Hill was there by Dohme's side through her recovery, including extensive facial-nerve reconstructive surgery that enabled her to talk and smile again. Fast forward to a 2015 Tampa Bay Rays game, where Dohme was set to throw out the first pitch, when Hill made a lifetime pitch of his own, bringing the ceremonial ball out to Dohme on the pitcher's mound with the words "Will you marry me?" scrawled across it. She says, "It was "the happiest moment of my whole life." The couple was married on March 4 and Melissa now works as a domestic violence advocate for a Tampa Bay nonprofit organization. (CBS News)

Somewhere In the World Is the Dumbest Bank

Somewhere in the world is the dumbest bank...and it's apparently in Germany. Frankfurt-based lender KfW, a German government-owned development bank, just transferred $5.4 billion to four other banks by mistake. Blame goes to an "experienced" programmer's "configuration error" made while working on the bank's payment software which caused the creation of an "automatic loop" in which duplicate payments were made. Fortunately all the money was returned. Problem is, this is the SECOND time something like this has happened to what the newspaper Bild is now calling "Germany's dumbest bank." Back in 2008 it transferred 320 million euros to Lehman Brothers on the exact same day the US investment bank filed for bankruptcy. (Deutsche Welle)

Bernie Madoff Was a Really Bad Dude

Still more tragedy - the result of Bernie Madoff. A hedge fund manager who was duped in Madoff's infamous Ponzi scheme has jumped from the 24th floor of a New York hotel, becoming the fourth person linked to Madoff to commit suicide. Police and witnesses say Charles Murphy, 56, jumped from a balcony at Sofitel New York Hotel in his business suit shortly before 5pm and died at the scene. Murphy's hedge fund at Fairfield Greenwich lost $50 million of the $7.5 billion it invested with Madoff and was subsequently sued by investors. Murphy had since been working at investment management firm Paulson & Co. It's unclear whether he personally lost money in Madoff's scam. Murphy, who is survived by his wife and four children, was "a brilliant man, a great partner and a true friend," said founder John Paulson in a statement. A French aristocrat who'd lost $1.5 billion in Madoff's scheme previously committed suicide in 2008. Another investor, a 65-year-old former Army major, committed suicide a year later. Madoff's eldest son, Mark, then hanged himself on the second anniversary of his father's arrest in 2010. (New York Daily News)

Sorry - "J" Is Not a Name!

As far as Switzerland is concerned, the letter "J" is not a name. The Zurich administrative court said in a ruling released Tuesday it had upheld a local registry office's decision to reject the single letter as a given name in the best interests of the child. The court rejected the parents' argument they wanted to honor their daughter's great-grandparents Johanna and Josef with the initial as one of her middle names, saying they could have chosen the already-accepted Jo instead. Though the parents wanted to pronounce the name "Jay," the court noted the letter is pronounced "Yott" in German, creating confusion. The court also said people would be inclined to put a period after the J, though it wasn't an abbreviation. Wonder what J-Lo, J-Z or JJ Abrams would have to say about this! (Newser)

What the What?

In Sebastian, Florida, Kristen Morrow, 37, and George Major Harris, 25, were detained after a neighbor complained the duo were doing something possibly indecent under a blanket nearby. When approached by an officer with the Indian River Sheriff's Office, Miss Morrow simply said, "I am part of the Illuminati and free masons. You have no authority and I don't have to leave." She then continued her rant at the "top of her lungs," claiming she was a "famous music talent" and had connections to judges that would cost the officer his job. Davis then joined in, seconding Morrow's threats and allegations. This turned out to be a bad move for both as they were promptly arrested and charged with disorderly conduct. Because they forgot the first rule of the Illuminati. Never admit there is an Illuminati! (


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