Don't Let Your Spring Break Mouth Write a Check Your Butt Can't Cash!
In Miramar Beach, Florida, a 19-year-old spring breaker caught with beer was arrested after cursing at a deputy and telling him he can say whatever he wants because of "free speech." According to a report from the Walton County Sheriff's Office, a deputy observed a large gathering on the beach in front of a condominium complex and approached the kids. As the crowd began to disperse, our hero turned to the left to try and hide the beer he was holding in his right hand. The deputy asked him how old he was, and the man said, "(expletive deleted) 12." He repeated the phrase as he was being escorted off the beach. The man added that he has "freedom of speech and can say whatever he wishes." Normally this would have been a $200 fine... but add a little attitude and some disrespect to local law enforcement, and you find yourself arrested for possession of alcohol by a person under the age of 21. Way to go big mouth! (NWF Daily News)

Pills to Make You Gay?
Over in England, 23-year Scott Purdey described himself as a "hot-blooded heterosexual" but says painkillers have changed his sexual orientation. He now identifies as gay. Purdy "enjoyed dating women before he started taking the painkiller Pregabalin, also known as Lyrica." He said, "I noticed my libido for women had gone and I was wanting male attention. I turned around and said I didn't find my girlfriend physically attractive anymore." FYI, Pregabalin or Lyrica is a medication used to treat epilepsy, pain associated with the brain, and generalized anxiety disorder." Purdey said, "I stopped taking it for a few weeks and that desire for men just left. But I'm on it now; I'm very happy. I want to keep on taking it because it makes me feel happy about my sexuality. It's made me feel very open. It's liberating." (Daily Mirror)

Fight Between Two Golfers Ends With Hole in One
An Australian man has been jailed for drunkenly stabbing his best mate in the thigh during a game of golf, causing massive blood loss that could have been fatal. Matthew McKay, 31, and two close friends had been drinking and watching a boxing match on TV before they headed to Broadford Golf Course, north of Melbourne. The trio played a few holes but McKay appeared intoxicated and was damaging the greens, scratching one with a flag and stomping golf balls into another. His friends Simon Mudd and Shaun Peterson told him to stop and he stormed off to his car, returned with a fold-out Smith and Wesson knife and attacked his mates. He first swung the weapon at Peterson before he turned to Mudd and drove the blade into his left thigh, hitting a large artery and blood gushed from the deep wound. Mudd was airlifted to hospital where he received a major blood transfusion and emergency surgery. McKay was arrested, convicted and ultimately ordered to serve at least 10 months in jail before being eligible for parole. (

Tarantula Burger... For Real
For reasons beyond our comprehension, a restaurant in Durham, N.C. is serving up a burger that would make anyone with arachnophobia run for the hills. Bull City Burger and Brewery is offering up the "tarantula burger." They said it's for Exotic Meat Month, but the only way to get one of the eight-legged beef sandwiches is by winning the Tarantula Challenge, meaning you have to sign up for a lottery. The burger costs $30 and includes a pasture-raised North Carolina beef-burger, gruyere cheese, spicy chili sauce, and an oven-roasted tarantula. You can sign up for the limited challenge in the restaurant. If you eat the entire burger, you get a free t-shirt. (ABC 13 WLOS)

Because Retro Video Games Are Important
There's big drama going on in the obscure but passionate world of old-school arcade games. The organization that oversees records has stripped a top gamer of his high scores in Donkey Kong and Pac-Man! Twin Galaxies of Iowa concluded after a lengthy investigation that Billy Mitchell did not play on an original arcade machine as required but instead used a software "emulator." The more damning implication is that Mitchell - previously credited with being the first to score a perfect game on Pac-Man and the first to crack 1 million points on Donkey Kong - faked his games. He adamantly denies it and promised in a video statement to prove his scores are valid. Still, Guinness World Records acted in accordance with Twin Galaxies and wiped Mitchell's records from its books. The decision also means well-deserved vindication for Steve Wiebe, the lovable underdog score-chaser who saw his heroic attempts to make Donkey Kong history repeatedly (and suspiciously) thwarted by overtly villainous Mitchell in a documentary film. Indeed, Wiebe is now recognized as the first to hit 1 million on Donkey Kong. After an official challenge lodged by another gamer, Twin Galaxies studied the videotape of Mitchell's 2010 record-breaking Donkey Kong game and concluded that it was not played on an original console, as he claimed. The group not only scrubbed all of Mitchell's scores from its records, it forbade him from submitting new ones. (Polygon)

Congress Pensions Good!
Big news that House Speaker Paul Ryan is stepping down. But don't worry - even if he never works another day in his life, he's got that Congressional pension to fall back on. Ryan, at 48, is just two years away from being eligible for a pension under what's known as the Federal Employees' Retirement System. Under the formula laid out in this Congressional Research Service study, Ryan would be eligible for an annual pension of nearly $76,000, based on 20 years as an elected House member. Throw in his years as a congressional staffer, and the total rises to $84,930, says researcher Alex Baumgart of the Center for Responsive Politics. The same system entitles lawmakers to Social Security benefits and the so-called Thrift Savings Plan, which is similar to a 401(k). Baumgart notes that members of Congress aren't required to disclose financial interest in or any income gained from federal retirement systems and the Thrift Savings Plan, and Ryan has not disclosed the information. A Ryan spokeswoman didn't respond to a request for comment on whether Ryan had declined to enroll in FERS. The Center for Responsive Politics, meanwhile, puts Ryan's personal net worth at just over $6 million as of 2016. His wife is a former tax attorney who also received a big inheritance when her mother died. Whatever else Ryan does in the future, he won't be able to lobby for one year, thanks to a statutory "cooling off" period for ex-House members. (Market Watch)


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