Wednesday, March 1, 2017

MAKE A CONFESSION OR SHUT UP

(Women's Health) Experts show how and when to make a confession or shut up:

Work -- The bomb: You botched a project
Fess up, especially if your goof has caused real harm, meaning it impacts your company's bottom line or reputation, says career expert Macie McCoy. "say you sent an e-mail with sensitive information to the wrong recipients, or your budget forecast was flawed you need to come clean, and soon." How to do it: First, privately assess possible solutions to your flub. You want to own up with a fix-it strategy, not just a sorry. Then says McCoy, ask to see your boss in person is best, and "get to the point quickly: 'I made a mistake I need to talk to you about, and I have some ideas about how we can course-correct.' It's crucial to take full responsibility. That's a leadership tactic it builds trust and rapport." Next steps: Let the situation "breathe," McCoy advises. "Your boss needs a chance to react, but say explicitly that you're invested in amending the problem. When things get straightened out, thank your superiors for understanding it was a one-time mistake and allowing you to prove yourself." Ultimately, your honesty can end up a plus. "Mistakes do happen, but you've shown you're the kind of person who will handle it the right way.

Money -- The bomb: You've racked up debt
Fess up to your partner. "Once you're in debt, it's going to affect both of your futures," says psychiatrist Gail Saltz, M.D., author of The Power of Different. If you're married, your husband's finances may be harmed; or if you're hoping to get hitched to your guy someday, existing debt could become a serious issues. How to do it: The earlier and more apologetic, the better, says Saltz. "There's no amount of debt that's good to keep a secret." Tell him you want to earn his trust back and that you will make financial sacrifices to do that. Discuss possible causes openly with him: Do you have a shopping problem? Is it school-loan debt that you were ashamed to divulge? That helps him understand that he situation arose not out of a disregard for him but from your own underlying issues that you're ready to work on with his help. Next steps: Transparency is a must, says Saltz. You'll want to share bank statements as well as plans for how you're going to catch up. This requires surrendering a measure of control, but it'll show you can be trustworthy. Be sure to talk about your long-term financial and life goals starting a family, buying a house, and how to reach them together.

Love -- The bomb: You were unfaithful
Should you confess or shut up? It depends. "If it was a one-time fling, or was years ago, and there's no risk that you'll continue it, there's a strong argument for keeping quiet," says psychiatrist Scott Haltzman, M.D., author of The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity. If, however, it's a repeating pattern, "there's an ongoing problem with the relationship that has to be dealt with." How to do it: Make your revelation at home, not in a restaurant or other public place, so your partner can fully express his emotions, says Haltzman. "Be direct but sensitive no matter how you phrase it, it's going to hurt." Your partner is likely to demand a lot of painful details, and Haltzman's general policy is "do ask, do tell. Let him decide what he wants to hear. You need to rebuild trust, which is based on honesty." Next steps: One absolute necessity is to end all contact with the other person. Then make your life an open book, says Haltzman. You might even want to offer your passwords for e-mail and social media as proof of your sincerity. Fully accounting for your time away is reassuring too "I'll be having drinks with Sarah, then home." Saltz also suggest seeing a therapist together. "Tell him you know it's your fault, and you want to make things stronger between you."

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