- You'd think that, as big as it is, it wouldn't be considered that great of an accomplishment.
- He looked up and he saw down under.
- He said, "Wait a minute-isn't Fosters Australian for beer?" The Australians replied, "Isn't Cook's inexpensive for Champagne?" And the drinking began.
- He wasn't sure if he had the right shoes to go with their Perth.
In 1775, the American Revolutionary War began with the Battles of Lexington and Concord. If I remember my American history correctly, we won one of them, but lost the other in double overtime. CNN was there... of course, back then that stood for "Colonial Network News."
On this date in 1782 that The Netherlands officially recognized American independence. Up until then, we had worn a disguise. But when it came to financing the new country, they insisted that we go Dutch.
In 1897, the very first American marathon race was held in Massachusetts. However, after running all that distance, the guy's income tax returns were still marked as 'late.'
On this date in 1933, the United States abandoned the Gold Standard. Not sure which year we abandoned all the rest of our standards, but it was pretty recent. Or, sort of what we've done politically this year.
On this date in 1934, Shirley Temple's first movie debuted, "Stand Up and Cheer." It was followed with "Sit down, I'm trying to watch a movie here!"
In 1939, Connecticut finally approved the Bill of Rights -- 148 years after the rest of the country... and that inspired the creation of FEMA.
On this date in 1985, a record-setting 22-inch bubblegum bubble was blown. The guy's still finding chunks in his hair.
Sam Woolf, who finished 5th in Season 13 of American Idol, turns 21 today. Yes, that scraping sound you hear is the bottom of the birthday barrel.
Hayden Christensen, who played Anakin Skywalker and then Darth Vader in "Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith," turns 36.
Kate Hudson celebrates birthday number 38. She recently admitted that she is a lousy mother. There was no comment from her child, because she didn't know where he was.
James Franco is 39 today, while Ashley Judd turns 49. Since both are very politically active and angry, it's silly to even try to wish them a happy birthday.
Indy car racer Al Unser Jr. turns 55 today. I can never remember the name of his dad.
Tim Curry turns 71 today. He'd like to do the time warp again.
It's Garlic Day -- So put a clove of garlic in your mouth and let it sit for awhile until it makes your breath stink. Then go to a crowd of people on the street and capture their reaction to your breath. Makes for a great YouTube Video. One word of caution though! Don't approach anyone who looks like an axe murderer!
Spoiler alert: if you leave a banana out on your kitchen counter for a couple of months, you're going to have a mess on your hands.
Egyptian archaeologists have discovered EIGHT MUMMIES in a 3,500-year-old tomb near the ancient city of Luxor. Tom Cruise couldn't have wished for better timing.
Yesterday was the federal income tax deadline. Today is the traditional day that I.R.S agents celebrate by pouring salt on your farmland.
All in all, things went pretty smoothly at Donald Trump's first White House Easter Egg roll. Although he did complain briefly about "fake grass."