YOU KNOW IT'S TIME TO DIET WHEN...

• You dance and it makes the band skip. 
• You are diagnosed with the flesh-eating virus, and the doctor gives you 22 more years to live. 
• You put mayonnaise on an aspirin. 
• You go to the zoo and the elephants throw YOU peanuts. 
• Your driver's license says, "Picture continued on other side." 
• You learn you were born with a silver shovel in your mouth. 
• Your blood type: Ragu!