No wonder men and women can't communicate. They speak different languages: 

  • Doohickey (doo-hick-ee): Female: Any part under a car's hood. Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra 
  • Vulnerable (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male: Playing football without a cup. 
  • Communication (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male: Sending a text before taking off for a weekend with the boys. 
  • Commitment (ko-mit-ment) n. Female: A desire to get married and raise a family. Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend. 
  • Wants and needs (wontz and nedz) n. Female: The delicate balance of emotional, physical and psychological longing one seeks to have fulfilled in a relationship. Male: Food, sex and beer. 
  • Glass ceiling (glas see-ling) n. Female: The invisible barrier that stops women from rising to the upper levels in business. Male: What would really be great at work since that hot babe took over the office one flight up. 
  • Entertainment (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. Female: A good movie, concert, play or book. Male: Anything with one ball, two folds, or three stooges. 
  • Flatulence (flach-u-lens) n. Female: An embarrassing by product of digestion. Male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding. 
  • Making love (may-king luv) n. Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. Male: What men have to call "boinking" to get women to boink. 
  • Remote control (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Male: A device for scanning through all 999 channels every 2 1/2 minutes. 
  • Taste (tayst) v. Female: Something you do frequently to whatever you're cooking, to make sure it's good. Male: Something you must do to anything you think has gone bad, prior to tossing it out. 


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