TOP FIVE SIGNS YOUR FAVORITE CANDIDATE'S HEALTH IS IN QUESTION

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  1. The party is thinking of replacing them with Keith Richards
  2. Wait -- that's not the actual candidate: it's a hologram!
  3. Wearing inflatable Sumo suit at campaign appearances
  4. At every campaign stop, there are buzzards circling overhead
  5. Party headquarters has organized an "Are they going to make it" pool

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