TODAY IS

Mischa Barton is 31 today and you're not.

Mary Lou Retton turns 49 today. Most likely, she'll spend her big day swinging around bars.

• She's almost got a year for every inch of height.
• In her younger days, she did quite well hanging around bars... parallel bars, but still bars.
• She is the living incarnation of "perky."

It's Matthew Wilder's birthday. Mr. "Break My Stride" turns 64. Starting to get into those years when you really don't want to be breaking things, including your stride.

Yakov Smirnoff celebrates his 66th birthday today. You'll mostly see him these days on the back of milk cartons.

Neil Diamond... bop, bop, baah... turns 76 today. (He feels so good, so good, so good, so good!) Everybody sing: "Viagra on the rocks... ain't no surprise."

Singer Ray Stevens is still around. He turns 78 today. Not streaking as much these days.