GETTING OLDER

(from BoomerBaby.com) Now that I am older, here's what I have discovered: 

• I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it. 
• My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran. 
• I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart. 
• Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded... 
• All reports are in; life is now officially unfair. 
• If all is not lost, where is it? 
• It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser. 
• Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant. 
• I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few. 
• Kids in the back seat cause accidents. 
• Accidents in the back seat - cause kids. 
• It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. 
• Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom. 
• If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees. 
• When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess? 
• It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere. 
• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. 
• These days I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter... I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm here after.