THINGS NO MAN SHOULD DO AFTER THE AGE OF 30
Act shy around beautiful women.
Be yourself. Worst case, she is not into you. Best case: She say, "Let's go back to your place."
Be a music snob.
Music is as amazing as it ever was. Boy yourself a Spotify subscription and embrace the Top 50 without shame.
Help a buddy move a couch.
Carrying a 350 pound piece of furniture down four flights of stairs in exchange for free pizza and beer is not a smart way to spend a weekend. Remind him that he can afford to pay professionals now.
Never play hooky.
Because few things in life compare to the unmitigated joy of calling in sick to relax in the yard with a cold beer and a well-worn paper back.
Stand off to the side of the dance floor.
Hiding in the corner because you don't want to be noticed is for insecure teens. We don't care if you have zero dancing ability, and neither should you. The only people laughing are the cowards too afraid to join in.
Avoid the doctor.
"It's just indigestion" are famous last words often followed by friends at the funeral whispering "Wait, he was how old?"
Think, "I hate my job, but... "
There is no "but." Life is short, and the job you hate today will be unbearable in a decade. Make the leap while you can still start over.
Lose your pants.
At 20, getting so drunk that you wake up wearing only boxers and your own vomit is a hilarious yarn. After 30, you're the guy nobody wants to drink with anymore.
Say you wish you'd learned to play guitar when you were young.
Here's a better idea: Learn to play the guitar.
Pretend you don't watch porn.
You're a grown man; no need to be surreptitious about your smut. Keep it right on the computer desktop where it belongs. Somebody has a problem with that? Then they should use a different library.
Know what words like "Phubbing," "Bae," or "On fleek," mean.
There's no reason to be up to date on every big of slang. Using these words just makes you look like the old guy at the rave.
Argue on social media.
Nobody literally nobody needs a lecture from you because they don't share your political or moral convictions. The truth is, you are going to change zero minds. Also true: You will have ruined someone's day. There's a nobility in disagreeing silently.
Have a bedtime.
Don't ever say, "I can't. It's past my bedtime." The universe will occasionally present awesome possibilities to you after 10 p.m., and a wise man is prepared to pounce. And while it's true that you can't stay out all night anymore without feeling like crap the next day, it's usually worth it.