TODAY IS

Happy Cinco de Augusto!

Pat Smear of the Foo Fighters turns 57. He fought the Foo and the Foo won. Would it be redundant to give Smear S'mores for a gift?

Maureen McCormick celebrates birthday 60 today. She was the oldest daughter on the old Brady Bunch TV series. Marcia, Marcia, Marcia... AARP, AARP, AARP.

Rick Derringer celebrates number 69 today. One thing about Derringer, it's tough to find a man of his caliber. His most famous hit: "Rock and Roll Hootchie Coo." His least famous: "Rock and Roll, Honey Boo Boo."

Loni Anderson from the old "WKRP" TV show turns 70 today. She was the show's blonde bombshell. She was never disarmed.

Goodbye, Norma Jean Day -- Marilyn Monroe (born Norma Jean Mortenson) died on this day in 1962. Here are "Five Things You Didn't Know About Marilyn Monroe."

Because her mother was loony, Marilyn grew up in orphanages and with foster parents. She got engaged to her first husband, the neighbor of a family friend, at the tender age of 15, just so she'd have a place to live.

Discovered by an Army photographer while working in a WWII aircraft factory inspecting parachutes, Marilyn began modeling at the age of 19. In less than two years, she had appeared on the covers of more than 30 magazines.

Needing some money when she was 23, Marilyn took $50 to pose nude. It was those pictures that Hugh Hefner later brought for the very first centerfold of Playboy in 1953. Continuing his Marilyn fixation, Hef has also shelled out for the rights to the burial plot next to hers, so the two will be side-by-side for eternity.

Singing her famous breathy rendition of "Happy Birthday" to John F. Kennedy helped get Marilyn fired from her final film, "Something's Got To Give." Instead of serenading the president, she was supposed to be on the set filming. It didn't help that health and emotional problems had caused her to miss two weeks and six days of the movie's first three weeks of shooting.

The famous picture of Marilyn on the subway grate flashing her panties is supposedly from the film "The Seven Year Itch." Except in the film, censors would only let her dress blow up to her knees. The shot everyone remembers comes from a publicity stunt where the studio let photographers snap pictures of a recreation of the scene. Reporters got 15 takes.

National Underwear Day -- Who knew your underwear could be so revealing? Handbag.com, TheSite.org, and the Arizona State University have it all figured out:

Women
High-cut briefs -- Ladies who wear "granny panties" tend to be perfectionists, except when it comes to style. They care most about comfort and function. They are practical people who don't dress to impress. 

Boy shorts or thong -- Women who don these are confident go-getters who enjoy a challenge. They like to show off their curves, are outgoing, and open to new things. They also enjoy not having a panty line when they wear pants. They like the thong because it makes them feel sexy even when they wear jeans, while boy shorts are cute and feminine -- without baring it all.

The need to match -- Some women must have a matching bra and panty set. These confident women are quite fashion-conscious and enjoy pampering themselves. Some might even call them spoiled or high-maintenance.

Men
Boxers -- Wearing boxers is all about comfort, but men who prefer boxers are generally laid back, not too flashy, and light-hearted. Boxers are the #1 choice in underwear for men.

Briefs -- Nicknamed tightie-whities even if they are red or blue or some other color, briefs are worn by men who are inhibited and like the restricted feel of this kind of underwear. Hey guys, it's not uncommon for women to think of you as their little brother when they find out you wear briefs.

Boxer-briefs -- Can you say the best of both worlds? Men who opt for boxer-briefs are very good at committing relationships. Hey, they already know how to compromise since they've done it with their underwear!

Thong -- Men who wear thongs are tremendously outgoing and some are exhibitionists. Check a male thong wearers high school yearbook, and you'll no doubt find "Class Clown" under his name.

No underwear -- Either someone forgot to do the laundry or he is very down-to-earth and embraces a natural way of life.

A Cosmopolitan Web poll asked: "What type of underwear do women like best on men?" 

45% said boxer briefs
40% said boxers
11% said low-rise styles
4% said briefs

Underwear: A Brief History (from Cosmopolitan):
2500 B.C. -- The ancient Egyptians sported what was probably the first ever version of underwear the loincloth.

1200s -- During the Middle Ages, the first pull-on underpants were invented. These loose fitting drawers, called braise, tied at the waist and midcalf.

1500s -- Codpieces became popular. Shaped to show off a man's goods, these enhancers were often filled out with padding.

1800s -- Cotton companies were massed-producing undies like the union suit, a full body style with ranging sleeve lengths.

1930s -- Companies began selling what were the first boxers shorts. And in 1934, Jockey debuted Y-vent briefs.

1960s -- With the invention of materials like nylon and Lycra, underwear got more comfortable and more colorful.

1982 -- Calvin Klein posted a billboard in Times Square of a hot guy in briefs, and it got a lot of people buzzing.

Today - Men's underwear has really evolved. It now comes in high-tech materials and daring styles, like the man thong.

Warning tags that should be in your standard pack of underwear.

Warning: Please watch diet... may stain.

Caution: Not built to contain excitement.

Warning: When sweaty - may hide between cheeks.

Advisory: Do us both a favor - after 15 years and 47,000 washes - throw me away!

Caution: Not responsible for shrinkage due to your growing ass.

Warning: May be flammable within 3 feet of a butane lighter.

Warning: I'm not a diaper - please use the Charmin.