TODAY IS

Actress Janine Turner celebrates her 54th birthday today. She was on the old TV show, "Northern Exposure," but of course, went on to... uh... turn 54.

Xander Berkeley, who plays Gregory on The Walking Dead, turns 61 today. He was in the first season of "24." Basically, he's a character actor on TV shows where he doesn't have a long life expectancy. It's no wonder life insurance agents avoid him.

Comic Steven Wright turns 61 today. In his honor, some of his funniest lines:

• All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
• The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
• I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
• OK, so what's the speed of dark?
• How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
• If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
• Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
• When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
• Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
• Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
• Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
• Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
• Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
• I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
• Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
• If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
• Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
• Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
• When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
• Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
• Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
• What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
• I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
• I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
• Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
• If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

JoBeth Williams is 68 today. She was the mom in "Poltergeist," the movie that demonstrated there are worse things than just having teenagers in the house.