TODAY IS

Jessica Lynch, famous for being the rescued P.O.W. from the Iraq War, turns 36 today. Candles, yes... fireworks, no.

Channing Tatum turns 39 today. He still makes a six-pack of beer look flabby.

First Lady Melania Trump turns 49 today. It think it's very likely, when she blows out the candle, that she won't get her wish.

Tionne Watkins turns 49 today. She was in the group TLC and known as T-Boz, not to be confused with THE Boz. The only thing they have in common is that they both don't play football.

Kevin James is 54 But enough about his waist-size. It's also his birthday! Hopefully, the mall will remember and throw him a party in the food court.

Jet Li turns 56 today. Don't remind him because if it provokes a fight, you're doomed. Most people blow out their candles.

Gary Wright, whose love is alive, but barely, turns 76 today.

Carol Burnett turns 86 today. She plans a quiet evening at home until she blows out her candles with a Tarzan yell. You're tugging my ear! Nope!

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