Golfer: I've played so poorly all day, I think I'm going to go drown myself in the lake.
Caddy: I doubt you could keep your head down that long.
Golfer: I'd move heaven and earth to be able to break 100 on this course.
Caddy: Try heaven. You've already moved most of the earth.
Golfer: Well I've never played this badly before!
Caddy: I didn't realize you had played before, sir.
Golfer: Caddy, do you think my game is improving?
Caddy: Oh yes, sir! You miss the ball much closer than you used to.
Golfer: This golf is a funny game.
Caddy: It's not supposed to be.
Golfer: That can't be my ball, it looks far too old.
Caddy: It's a long time since we started, sir.
Golfer: Do you think I can get there with a 5-iron?
Golfer: (screaming) You've got to be the worst caddy in the world!
Caddy: I doubt it. That would be too much of a coincidence!
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