From Mary McHugh author of "How to Ruin Your Children's Lives":

  • Say, "You will thank me later for this."
  • Drop your teenagers off where their friends can see you.
  • Ruffle their hair while you're waiting to buy tickets in the movie line.
  • Spit on a tissue and rub chocolate off their chins when you're out together in public.
  • Wear an ankle bracelet.
  • Demonstrate your favorite moves from when you were a high school cheerleader when they have friends over.
  • Ask them if they need to go to the bathroom before they leave the house.
  • Hint that you and your spouse are still having sex.
  • Dance alone at any function where they can see you.
  • Tell your best friend something they told you in confidence.
  • Say, "But what will the neighbors think?"
  • Say to one of their friends, "My, how you've grown."
  • Ask, "Why does Britney Spears have to dress like that?"
  • Find your old guitar and sing "Kumbaya" and "This Land Is Your Land" in front of their friends.
  • Interrupt when they're talking to correct their grammar.
  • Keep saying "Cool" in an effort to be cool.


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