TODAY IS

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Christmas is three months from today. Just sayin'...

Donald Glover turns 35 today. So does Childish Gambino. What a coincidence!

Catherine Zeta-Jones turns 49 today. Does it matter? Her husband, Michael Douglas, also has a birthday today -- he's 74. A 25-year difference. We're willing to wait for her.

Will Smith turns the big 5-0 today. He's still a prince, just not as fresh. Everyone please look at the memory eraser. (flash) Thank you. Hey, isn't Will Smith's birthday coming up?

Scottie Pippen celebrates birthday number 53 from the 3-point range. Still hittin' 'em. He was part of that magical Chicago Bulls era with Michael Jordan and Dennis Rodman. He was vice-Michael Jordan.

Heather Locklear's birthday is today. She turns 57. With any luck, she won't get arrested. Her ex's include Richie Sambora and Tommy Lee. Those are the only ones... so far as we know.

Mark Hamill turns 67 today. Don't remind him how old he is. It really makes him C3PO'd.

Not sure if Jedi's ever get to retire, but if they do, he's there.
Remember, Luke, if your Light Saber won't turn off after four hours, see a doctor.
He'll appear in the new movie as Luke Needswalker.
Anson Williams -- Potsie from "Happy Days" -- turns 69. If you've never heard of any of those things before... well, never mind.

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