And How Fast Can You Run the 26.2?

His name is Eliud Kipchoge. He already has an Olympic gold medal for the marathon, and now he has smashed the world record for the fastest recorded time running 26.2 miles. Kipchoge finished in Sunday's Berlin Marathon in 2 hours, 1 minute, 39 seconds! The previous record was 2:02:57 and the Berlin Marathon tweeted that such an improvement hadn't been seen in a half-century. The 33-year-old Kenyan has won 10 of his 11 marathons, and last year fell 26 seconds short of a two-hour marathon in a Nike marketing event. The world record has been broken seven times since the turn of the century but it might now be a while before it happens again. (Wall Street Journal)

Wait ‘til Your Father Gets Home!

In Terra Bella, California (about 40 miles north of Bakersfield), police say a 13-year-old boy brought balloons full of cocaine to his school on Friday resulting in medical exams for a group of his schoolmates. Fortunately, all of the children at Carl F. Smith Middle School tested negative after two balloons filled with cocaine were discovered in the playground. School officials assumed the white powdery substance inside the balloons was flour, but as a precaution called authorities who determined the substance was cocaine. Authorities found traces of the drug on the boy's shirt and in his home after a K9 search. In all, 13 kids were exposed to the drug, and transported to a hospital 9 miles away, officials said. Classes resumed after investigators gave an all-clear. (San Francisco Chronicle)

First Death by Shark in 80 Years

Cape Cod has seen its first death-by-shark in over 80 years. A 26-year-old man was bitten by a shark Saturday in the water off Newcomb Hollow Beach in Wellfleet at around noon. Joe Booth, a local fisherman and surfer, says he was on shore when he saw the man and his friend boogie boarding when the attack happened. He says he saw the man aggressively kick something behind him and a flicker of a tail from the water. He realized what was happening when the friend came ashore dragging his injured friend. "I was that guy on the beach screaming, 'Shark, shark!" Booth says. "It was like right out of that movie Jaws. Others on the beach attempted to make a tourniquet while others frantically called 911. The family of the victim was notified of the death but his name was not released. (Newser)

Cruelty Redefined

Cruelty was redefined at the Columbia Correctional Institution in Miami after a prison inmate murdered his cellmate by strangling him, then pulled out his eyes and strolled into the prison dining hall wearing the guy's ear around his neck. The horrific incident only highlights bigger problems at the prison. Officials identified the victim as Larry Mark, a 58-year-old serving life for murder, but the killer's name hasn't been released. The dorm where Mark died was manned by just one control-room officer and a sergeant who was busy elsewhere in the compound-just one example of staff shortages that have left the facility rattled. According to an officer at the Lake City facility, staff shortages contribute to contraband deliveries (sometimes by drone) and the proliferation of K2, a powerful synthetic marijuana often used by prisoners. (Miami Herald)

This Week, You're Getting a Text From Trump!

Whether you want it or not, you will be getting a text from President Trump at 2:18pm Eastern time on Thursday! It won't be about building walls or making America great again but rather will read: "THIS IS A TEST of the National Wireless Emergency Alert System. No action is needed." The nationwide text will mark the very first test on the presidential level of FEMA's system to warn Americans in the case of national emergency. The test will sound just like an AMBER alert or SEVERE WEATHER alert if you've ever gotten one of those. Sorry, Democrats, you can't opt out: the alert will go out to all subscribers of the more than 100 wireless carriers that participate in the WEA system. FEMA does say, however, that the test could be postponed by a weather emergency. (CNN)

The Only Thing That Can Stop a Bad Guy with a Potato...

Is the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a potato, a good guy with a potato? Just asking for a friend. In South Lake Tahoe, 41-year-old William James Best, 41 went to the home of a woman to confront her about a dispute she had with his girlfriend. He allegedly forced his way inside the residence and was holding a potato on which he'd carved the first initial of the victim's first name. According to a statement from the El Dorado County District Attorney's Office, he then repeatedly threatened the victim. Police arrived and arrested Best. He reportedly told officers he used the potato to "increase his punching power." Best was sentenced to a year behind bars in the County Jail and placed on formal supervised probation. If he violates probation he will be sent to prison, the DA's office stated. (CBS)

What the What?

Champion Porsche in Pompano Beach, Florida is reportedly the largest Porsche dealer in the country. Here's hoping you didn't put any money down on a new Porsche there. The vice president of marketing, Shiraaz Sookralli personally handled some of Champion Porsche's most valued and deep-pocketed clients and over the last year collected over $2.5 million in customer deposits for dozens of the company's ultra-exclusive 911 GT3 and GT3 RS models. Here's the problem: The cars never existed, the money is missing, and Sookralli just vanished without a trace. A lawsuit has been filed by the dealership against Sookralli in Florida's 17th Circuit Court. Reportedly, Sookralli admitted to all of this in emails and phone calls with Champion Porsche, though his whereabouts are unknown. (The Drive)


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