WEIRD NEWS

Cheaters Never Prosper? Oh Yeah?
They say cheaters never prosper. Lance Armstrong may disagree with you. After losing all his endorsements deals and numerous lawsuits, bicycle boy could have very well been financially ruined - except for one thing that he says, "saved our family." About ten years ago Armstrong invested $100,000 in a little company called Uber. Armstrong, now 47, tells CNBC that his 100,000 gamble in a venture capital fund back in 2009 has paid off with a number "too good to be true," though he's keeping quiet on the exact figure. To give you an idea of the money we're talking here - Uber was valued at 3.7 million when Chris Sacca's Lowercase Capital first pumped Armstrong's money into it; now the ride-sharing company is aiming for a $120 billion valuation ahead of a possible IPO. Armstrong also admitted that the past six years have been "terrible" and "really sucked," but acknowledges that his behavior, perhaps even more so than the doping itself, was what led to his downfall. He added, "If I did all that [doping] but I was a gentleman ... and treated people with respect, they would've let me off. It was the way I acted that was my undoing." Despite all that, Armstrong notes: "I don't feel like a failure." (CNBC)

NYPD... Again.
A new lawsuit is claiming the New York Police Department forced a woman to give birth while shackled in handcuffs. The unidentified woman she says she went into labor in February in a police holding cell in the Bronx. She says police took her to Montefiore Medical Center where they handcuffed her wrists to the bed and shackled her ankles. The complaint says doctors warned the officers the constraints were illegal under state law. The woman says the experience humiliated and traumatized her. The lawsuit seeks damages for violating a woman's civil rights and changes to police department policy. A spokesman for the city's Law Department told The New York Times the agency was examining the allegations carefully. (New York Times)

Oh, the Old Diarrhea Defense
Over in Japan, charges have been filed against a Kagoshima city council member who says the reason he was driving at 105 miles per hour - over twice the speed limit - is because he had diarrhea! Police pulled over 28-year-old Masataka Hirai, who was elected earlier this year, and he reportedly said, "I had diarrhea, so I was in a hurry to get to a bathroom. I regret my actions and I will drive safely in the future." Whether Hirai managed to make it to a bathroom in time remains unknown, however, what is for sure is that this silly story has catapulted him into the celebrity spotlight. Funny what makes you famous these days. When you're sliding into third, and you feel a runny... .oh never mind. (Japankyo.com)

Worst Parents of the Week
If you can believe this one, 61-year-old Michael J. Fee and 31-year-old Amber L. Freudenstein have admitted in court that they drove from Arizona to Wyoming with two children in the trunk of their car! Each pleaded guilty to two misdemeanor counts of child endangerment and Circuit Judge Steven Brown sentenced each to 30 days in jail. Fee is from Peoria, Ariz., and Freudenstein is from Tempe. Sheriff's officials say a third party told them the children reported riding in the trunk for much of the 900-mile drive while two German shepherds sat in the back seat. Fee said in court there was not enough room for everyone so the children were relegated to the trunk. Court documents show the children are about 6 and 10 years old. And you only get 30 days? Seriously? (Casper Star-Tribune)

That Declaration Though!
John Stevenson is a 70-year-old man from Scotland who ruined his winter vacation and got himself banned from the United States forever after accidentally declaring himself a terrorist on an online visa form. Stevenson and his wife, Marion, were supposed to vacation in New York this month. Despite several attempts to convince US officials that he had just made a mistake, he remains banned, so the couple can't even reschedule their trip, as they don't know if they'll ever be allowed into the United States. Stephenson explains, "We were filling out the visa form and it kept timing out before we could tick all the boxes. Then it crashed and when it came back up, you start where you finish off. One of the questions ask if you are a terrorist and it must have jumped from No to Yes without me knowing." Johnson said that he didn't even realize his mistake until he called US border control to give them his passport details, and they replied that he was a terrorist. Sadly the couple will likely lose the $2,500 they had already spent on plane tickets and hotel reservations in New York. United Airlines notified them that the cost of their plane tickets could not be refunded, and neither could their advance for accommodation. OK - is that actually a question they have on there? Really? (The Independent)

Shop Owner Pays $64 an Hour - to Steal From Her!
Need a good job? Over in the UK, one innovative entrepreneur is offering to hire skilled thieves to come in and steal from her store and then tell her how they did it, so she can beef up the holes in her security. She's actually offering $64 bucks an hour plus the chance to keep three of the things they manage to steal. Candidates would need to visit her store on a number of occasions over several weeks and then produce a report of all the things they stole and how they did it. Realizing the offer may be viewed as crazy by some, the store owner explained that she is simply taking a different approach to theft prevention after years of suffering significant loses during the holiday season. The anonymous woman said that she hopes the experience will give her valuable insight into how thieves operate and help her improve the security of her store. She's particularly interested in knowing if the layout of the store needs changing, if CCTV cameras are positioned correctly and how her staff interacts with thieves. (Oddity Central)

Why You Have to Monitor Your Kid's Social Media
Got a teenager on social media? Let's hope you're keeping an eye on them or else this might be your fate. It began as a simple Snapchat message from a 15-year-old girl to all her friends to come to her birthday party in the small Dutch town of Katwijk. But her plans turned into a nightmare when one of them posted the invite on Facebook which prompted interest from thousands of people nationwide. The mayor later said the party was hijacked and crowds of up to 4,000 people had to be broken up by riot police. The original Snapchat message read: "Friday party at my place, everyone welcome. If you're coming, please let me know and who you're bringing." Katwijk has only a few hundred residents, so when more than 8,000 people said they planned to come and another 20,000 expressed interest, police and local officials decided to act. The girl's uncle said the teenager had to cancel the party and had gone into hiding. He added, "My niece has been moved out of the house and she's being put up somewhere else. This appears to have gone completely off the rails." (BBC)

Beautiful Albinos
You've probably seen an albino at least once in your life. While Albinism is a rare, hereditary condition that leads to a lack of pigmentation in the hair, skin and eyes, a group in Kenya put on the first ever Mr. and Miss Albinism to help combat the discrimination and violence frequently faced by the group. In Africa, albinism is associated with many negative misconceptions and superstitions. As a result, many albinos suffer stigma, alienation and even physical abuse. The pageant, called "Accept me, include me, I can", included participants from Kenya, Tanzania and Uganda, and aimed to boost the confidence of young people with albinism. This year saw 30 participants compete for the pageant crowns. Emmanuel Silas Shedrack, 20, from Tanzania and Maryanne Muigai, 19, from Kenya were crowned the winners. (Reuters

Have a Holly Jolly Jail Time!
Out in Texas, 31-year-old Aaron Urbanski , and two other men were protesting outside St. Mark United Methodist Church of Cleburne during a Breakfast With Santa event. It's sadly becoming an all too familiar story - they were yelling at the children that Santa Claus is not real. They were asked "multiple times" to leave church property and two of them did, but Urbanski allegedly refused. One witness who says she confronted the men about not ruining Christmas for the kids said they asked her: "Do you let your kids believe in a fake Santa or do they know who Jesus is?" She added, "They started to shout out that Santa was not real and that I was wrong for teaching them that." Ultimately police were called and Urbanski was charged with criminal trespass. Later in a Facebook post, Cleburne Mayor Scott Cain wrote: "While I understand folks right to protest, Cleburne loves Santa and those protestors who were naughty and broke the law when they trespassed were arrested promptly. Guess they wanted coal in their stockings to go with a court appearance." (Newser)

What the What?
In Monroe, Connecticut, 52-year-old landscaper Robert Somley and an unidentified female coworker were working at a residence. Police said it was not a customer's home. The two loaded wood onto a trailer when Somley told the woman that he needed a break. A short time later, police said the woman caught Somley in the home naked and watching pornography on a laptop. Somley allegedly told his coworker that he needed to "relieve himself." She left the home, the returned a short while later to find Somley pouring maple syrup on his naked body. Police said the woman admitted to being "turned on" and wanted to join him. At that point, police said the two added blueberry jelly to their foreplay. Oh and Somley recorded videos of all of this. When the woman found out about the recordings she demanded that Somley delete them. He refused so she called police. A search warrant was issued, which allowed investigators to seize Somley's cellphone and they found a lot of video of the woman on it. Somley was charged with a count of voyeurism and released after posting a $50,000 bond. (WFSB)