CHIVALROUS MOVES THAT ARE MORE AWKWARD THAN AMOROUS
1. Ordering my meal for me
I know what I want to eat, and I am not five years old, so please do not order my meal for me unless for some reason I can't talk, like if I had laryngitis. And even then, I am probably going to let you know what I want to eat.
2. Writing a three-page love letter on the color of my lipstick
A short poem about my beauty? Lovely. Half a novel on some minute detail of my appearance? Super creepy. Leaving it on my car windshield accompanied by a single rose? Get the heck outta dodge.
3. Texting/calling me every hour of the day
Although this may be considered giving us the attention that we so crave, it can turn creepy pretty quickly, especially if you're blowing up my cell with "hey what r u doing?" when I've already told you I'm busy at work. Really busy. Whether you choose to believe it or not, I'm NOT by my cell waiting or expecting your text/call.
4. Letting me win.
Whether it is Scrabble, basketball or a foot race to the car, letting me win indicates that you don't think I could do it on my own. It is belittling and insulting. So, give it your best shot- and we'll see who comes out on top.
5. Pushing in my chair.
This move is just awkward. Women no longer wear giant bustles or multi-layered dresses that make it hard to move; we are quite capable of scooting in our own chairs, thank you very much.
6. Waiting for me outside my home.
If you are a boyfriend, sure. But if you are just a suitor or someone I have gone on a few dates with, I do not want you gooning around my front door. In fact, I may call the cops.
7. Asking my father for my hand in marriage.
It is not his to give away, but rather mine. While this is still an ongoing tradition, particularly in the South, make sure you let me know of your plans first- then if you feel the need to ask my dad for custom's sake, go ahead. Just remember: our marriage is a deal between you and me, not you and my dad.
8. Never letting me pay.
if I ask you out and want to pay, let me. There is no need to ambush the waiter with your credit card so you don't have to feel the shame of a woman paying your way. I make my own money, and if I want to buy your dinner, let me. You can reciprocate next time, I promise.
9. Holding my purse while I shop.
You might as well be holding a sign that says "whipped." While the occasional tote of the purse while I am in the bathroom is okay, if you are carrying it around on an extended basis, you might want to consider a murse instead- it will go with the whip.
10. Insisting on being on the outside of the sidewalk
Just in case while we are walking along, someone tries to jump me, a car hurdles the curb or a giant mud splash heads our way. I am a big girl, and walk by myself quite often with much success.
Love is grand, as are the courteous moves that go with it. But some supposedly 'chivalrous' moves need to go out of style like bad 80's bangs.
However, politeness will always be in fashion. Here are five moves that will never land you in the 'creep' bin:
- Giving up your seat to a pregnant woman or senior citizen.
- Letting us wear your jacket when our shoulders are cold.
- Asking us out on a date.
- Opening the door for us, particularly our side of the car, particularly when it is raining.
- Being nice to our mothers.