"Guy Breaks Into Church To Watch Porn!"
Truth! Police in Ames, Iowa arrested a 55-year-old man who broke into the First Christian Church where he was found watching porn on their flat screen TV. Other porno DVDs were found on his person at the time of the arrest. You know how they say when you die you see that movie of your entire life passing before your eyes? Yeah, this one won't play so well at the Pearly Gates!

"North Korean Peace Agreement Includes Jelly-of-the-Month Club Membership!"
Trash! Clark's boss cut that out of the budget.

"Robber Holds Up 11 People -- Gets $6 Bucks!"
Truth! In Thermal, California, one robber found out that crime really doesn't pay. She held up 11 customers at the La Chicanita Market at gunpoint and got away with only $6 bucks! That's all they had between them. Clearly it must have been double coupon day!

"Pete Davidson Gives Ariana Grande Rented Engagement Ring!"
Trash! But, after dating for only a couple of weeks, might not have been a bad idea.

"Cheerleaders Make The Best Presidents!"
Trash! We're still trying to figure out that formula.

"Ghost of Abraham Lincoln Still Haunts Ford's Theater!"
Trash! No, it stays outside at the ticket window, asking for a refund.

South Dakota Sheriff Fires Deputy Who Beat Him in Primaries!
Truth! Deputy sheriff Mark Maggs defeated his own boss, Sheriff Lenny Grankow, in the Republican primary. Since the men were the only people actually running for the office, Maggs automatically becomes sheriff in January. Maggs, who received 73% of the vote, says the sheriff called him in for a meeting and handed him a letter of termination one minute after polls closed.

"Judge Sworn Into Office with His Hand on the Dictionary!"
Truth! There was no bible around when Donald Williams was publicly sworn in as a judge in Ulster County, New York. Actually, a bible or any holy book is not legally required so they used the only book they could find-a dictionary.


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