THINGS A GROWN MAN SHOULD NEVER HAVE
We found this cool list at MensHealth.com, and we also asked our listeners about the things that a grown man should never have.
- A black eye. Unless the rim hits your face mid-dunk, your peepers should remain unblemished. You're smart enough to talk your way out of any fight you're going to lose.
- A witty e-mail signature. Quotes and song lyrics should be heard during toasts and karaoke performances, respectively. Don't let your electronic correspondence become the digital version of a motivational poster.
- An empty refrigerator. Your larder should be amply stocked, your pantry provisioned. Always aim to be ready to create an on-the-fly, three-course dinner for her...along with breakfast in bed.
- PlayStation thumb. When they're relaxing, grown men can behave like children. But if you devolve long enough to cause calluses or button-shaped bruises, you're assuredly missing out on life.
- A key chain with a bottle opener. This bauble is both a gauche reminder of your college days and proof that you don't know how to apply leverage using available, impromptu bottle openers: a lighter, the back end of a fork.
- A lucky shirt. Every shirt is lucky when worn by a man who knows that the harder he works the luckier he'll be.
- An unstamped passport.
- Less than $20 in his wallet. Fiduciary nudity is negligence. A real man should always carry a business card and enough dough to pick up coffee, bagels, and the Sunday paper without whipping out the plastic.
- A name for his privates. Even if it's a really clever name.
- Any beer that costs less than $20 a case. And no exception for the grand-slam 30-pack that crosses that price threshold.
- A futon. Sure, beds are for sleeping. But such a meager, slouchy spread has never, in the history of sex, inspired a woman to say, "Take me on your futon."
- Code words for ugly women. Actually, code words for anything.
- A Nerf hoop in his living room. Keep the adolescent accoutrements where they belong: in the rec room or above the wastebasket in someone else's office.
- A secret handshake.
- Drinking glasses with logos.
- A recent story with the phrase "So I said to the cop... "
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