THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER GIVE A WOMAN FOR VALENTINE'S

  • Anything with an electrical cord attached
  • Anything that belongs in a kitchen
  • Anything that makes a noise
  • A Hickory Farms cheese ball
  • A catchers mit
  • A rash in the shape of a heart
  • A 6-pack of beer
  • Nose hair trimmers
  • Overalls
  • A box of chocolates with all the good ones missing and big thumb-holes mashed into all the praline ones
  • Jewelry that comes in a plastic bubble from a supermarket
  • Frozen tater tots
  • Anything from a drug store
  • A chilled bottle of Mop and Glow
  • Anything that says "one size fits all"
  • Anything from Victoria's Secret that is two sizes too small
  • A toilet brush
  • Leftover Halloween candy
  • A valentine balloon on a broken stick
  • A "Star Trek" calendar

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