TODAY IS

Zooey Deschanel turns 39 today. It's spelled ZOO-ee, but pronounced ZOE-ee. 38: that's one year for every way that people pronounce her last name.

Kid Rock hits birthday number 48 today. My guess is, he'll hit back. You don't see 48-year-old kids very often. At what age should he become Man Rock?

Michelle Obama celebrates her 55th birthday today. There's talk about her running in 2020. She says brisk walking is all she has i

The rubber mug of Jim Carrey turns 57 today, if the star of "Liar! Liar!" can be trusted. Alrighty, then. He still has his natural hair color. But, I'll bet in 20 years, he'll be "all whitey then."

Susanna Hoffs turns the big 6-0 today. She used to sing with the Bangles... these days, she serves bagels.

Steve Harvey turns 62 today. Or is it 56? Or 75?

Wow, Maury Povich turns the big 8-0 today. There's a reason he's not doing daytime TV shows anymore. If he still was, today's episode would have been "Oh, crap! We did that subject yesterday?"

James Earl Jones celebrates his 88th birthday today. Hard to believe Lord Vader is that old. I'm sure the Black Metal Helmet is helping.

Betty White turns 97 today. My God, she turns 97 today! I'll have what she's having. The woman is eternal. Yes, she's still got it... she just can't remember where she left it. I don't want to say she's old, but her birth certificate is written on papyrus.

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