"Musical Instruments Discovered on Mars!"
Trash! That's all we need-Marchin' Martians!

"Mother Theresa's Assistant Killed in Bar Brawl!"
Truth! Mark Bloomfield, 54, died in a hospital from injuries sustained in a barroom brawl outside the Full Moon pub in Wales. The circumstances of the attack are unclear but police said a 61-year-old man has been charged in the case.

"Woman Who Married Ghost Pirate Just Divorced the Ghost Pirate!"
Truth! Amanda Teague from Ireland made headlines in 2016 when she married a 300-year-old ghost pirate named Jack. The "wedding" was held on international waters so the marriage could be considered legal. But now she has announced she has divorced Jack because he was just "using" her as an energy source.

"Area 51 Renaming Itself to Area 52!"
Trash! They should change it to, "No storming allowed"

"Six-Year-Old Boy Sets New World Record for Pushups!"
Truth! Young Rhim Kurayev of Chechnya set a new world record for most push-ups done for a six-year-old in two hours at 4,183. But he kept going to 4,618, setting a new world record for most push-ups ever done by a six-year-old period! Wow!

"Man Offers His Home to Person Who Finds His Lost Dog!"
Truth! In Tucson, Eddie Collins' beloved pet Chihuahua Jenny disappeared in April. After months of searching he's decided to offer a substantial reward - his one bedroom home and the plot of land that comes with it to whoever brings his dog back to him - no questions asked. He told local reporters, "I just want to have Jenny back. For me, it's not about material things, it's about her."

"September Presidential Debates Switching to Mud-Wrestling Matches!"
Trash! But wouldn't that be more entertaining.

"Political Interns Named Easiest Summer Job!"
Trash! The easiest summer job is Cruise Director on a Ferris Wheel.


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